I didn’t attend worship this morning, and I feel terrible about it. I don’t attend every Sunday, but normally go to worship at the Homewood Friends Meeting at least twice a month. When I don’t go, I tend to have an excuse, whether it’s a community bike trip, a gardening project, or a news story to cover for work. This morning, I was just sleeping.
And this morning, above all others, was one where I feel I should have attended. I mean, I am leaving in three days for an incredibly long religious tour around the country. Sure, I’ll be attending countless services in numerous faiths along the way, but isn’t it important, and symbolic, to start it all off in my normal gathering?
I constantly worry about thoughts versus deeds. In my thoughts, I am with God, in service of Him. Often, my deeds are too. But sometimes laziness, insecurity, and thoughtlessness get in the way. I am angry with myself at these times. Is God angry with me, too?
I get into a mental loop I can’t escape, with all of the reasons He would and would not be angry with me buzzing in my head like bees. Perhaps that’s not a bad way to start a journey. Questioning, rather than at peace. After all, if I already had the spiritual answers, why leave Baltimore at all?
